How to detect Gaslighting

What does gaslighting mean? 

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the person gaslighting attempts to create self-doubt and confusion in the other person. It’s a way to try and control and gain power over the other person by making them question their own intentions and motives.

What are some common examples of gaslighting in romantic relationships? 

There are several ways people use gaslighting in relationships. Some of the most common forms show up as minimizing or making fun of feelings, discounting the positives or achievements, withholding important information, insisting a person said or did something that they in fact didn’t do, calling a person “too sensitive,” or if they say, “you’re overreacting,” or “you can’t take a joke,” twisting information in a way to shift the blame, and denying abusive behavior.

What are some common examples of gaslighting with family members? 

Gaslighting takes place often within family relationships. The most common scenarios involve statements such as “I never said that,” which is typically a way to make the other person question their own reality and memory. It also is seen by parents and/or caregivers denying or dismissing the experiences of family members such as saying something like “That never happened when you were a kid.” It is also seen when a family member tries to make another family member feel bad about themselves by spewing negative comments and/or blaming them for something they didn’t do.

What are some common examples of gaslighting from medical providers/medical gaslighting? 

Medical gaslighting is when your medical provider dismisses your concerns about your health or minimizes what you’re reporting. Here are signs someone may be experiencing gaslighting from medical providers: the medical provider tells you what you’re experiencing “is all in your head,” they refuse to take the time to discuss your symptoms and underlying causes, they rush through your appointment, they question whether or not you’re being truthful about your medical history, and they interrupt you while you’re sharing information.

What are specific red flags people should look out for to determine whether they're being gaslit?

It is very common for the person using gaslighting to deny their role in what they are doing. They will make you feel like what you’re experiencing is 100% a result of something being wrong you with. Here are some red flags that could indicate a person is being gaslit include but are not limited to the following: 1) a person makes you question your own reality, 2) a person is telling obvious lies, 3) a person denies ever saying something despite having proof that they did, 4) they emotionally drain you, 5) they attempt to confuse you by using positive reinforcement, 6) refer to you as “too sensitive or crazy,” 7) they refer to you as “dramatic,” 8) you might hear phrases like “this is all your fault,” 9) you find yourself always having to apologize to them even though you didn’t do anything, 10) you’re constantly anxious or stressed in their presence.

What should people do if and when they realize they're being gaslit?

If someone becomes aware they are being gaslit, it’s important for that person to reclaim their power and respond to the person and/or situation, not react back. Practices that can be helpful are as follows: 1) making time for self-care; this is especially important because after being gaslit, it’s easy to feel exhausted and drained, 2) Identify needed boundaries to protect your inner peace and hold the boundaries no matter what, 3) Remain confident despite feeling like you’re going crazy or you did something wrong, 4) Don’t take it personal, understanding gaslighting is a symptom of someone who is not well. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, however, knowing this can be supportive in terms of not taking it personal, 5) Ask for support from safe people in your circle, 6) Seek professional help if you’re not able to handle the situation on your own or if you need support processing what this has caused for you, 7) Educate yourself on gaslighting so you can better understand it and recognize the warning signs quickly to avoid any further harm caused to you.

 Stephanie Robilio, LCSW

Published Author

Clinical Director at Agape Behavioral Healthcare

To learn more about Stephanie visit www.themindfulliving.com and follow her on Instagram @mindfulliving.now, Facebook @mindfulliving, and subscribe to her on YouTube Stephanie Robilio. Find all of Stephanie's books on Amazon: WellNow, Mindful Makeover, Painted Soul, and Bonafide Spirit. To join real conversations about what it takes to achieve optimal wellness in mind, body, and spirit, check out The Mindful Living Podcast on Spotify.